How difficult was it for you to tell others about your bipolar? Is it still hard to share? I compare talking about the disorder to discussing diabetes or cancer. We have the disorder/disease. We didn't ask for it. If we cannot freely say "I'm bipolar/I have bipolar" then the disorder owns us. We fear what others might think yet we wouldn't have that same thought about a heart disease, would we?
I discovered the more times I said I was bipolar, the more powerful I felt. Taking control and owning up to that diagnosis gave me the strength I needed to win over mood changes and other symptoms.
I happen to have bipolar. The disorder doesn't have me.
I have bi-polar....I have manic depression, I have borderline personality disorder and P.T.S.D. I do talk about it....but I still feel I am in a hole that I cannot get out of. I have couselors and I have a psychiatrist, and a medical doctor that just about throw their arms in the air....so even tho I do talk about it, it still has me in it's clutches. :(
ReplyDeleteYou might have all those things, and you might be stuck in their clutches, as you say, but you can fight to control them. Fighting is a life-long, daily, even hourly task. When the moods strike, you strike back.You smile and boost your spirits. Asking for hugs and prayers is great, but it just gives the bad moods more time to sink into you. Dance and sing, read a happy story to someone you love, absorb nature. You can do it. You can fight.
ReplyDeleteGood advice because most of the time I hide in my sanctuary (bedroom) and think, and think and think not to mention crying, wailing and screaming into my pillow. My Sofiane and I are not doing so well but we still love each other and we have planned for me to go to Turkey to meet up. In March. I am so not sure how it's going to happen now. Tho he does say he wants me to come. He wants to see me too. But I was sure it was over with between us and my depression sunk to the bottom. In Bi-polar we have extreme highs and lows...well I sunk to low and below....I have YET to be on the upper side. I just want to die, I feel my heart dying, I feel myself hardening, guarding, and angry, torn and broken. Trying to be happy at this time would be lying to people and myself. But I do want to try it. we shall see. But Lynn...I'm so serious....I am so totally broken, I have NEVER EVER in my live experienced this horrible dying feeling. I am VERY deeply in love with this man. I want a life with him. He is EVERYTHING I have EVER dreamed of...and to watch that dream slip away farther and farther from me is killing me. I will NEVER EVER EVER EVER fall in love with another man...he could NEVER measure up to what My Sofiane is. I am so thoroughly sad, down and deeply hurt and exhausted from all the crying and worrying and feeling so ashamed of my looks and wondering, always wondering what went wrong. He tells me nothing went wrong....but going from talking everyday to talking once every other week and for 3 or 4 minutes at that...something has changed and his excuse is he doesn't like to be online...but it shows he is online all the time....I love him, but I feel like I am giving up, fighting for something that wont fight for me. I have NEVER hurt like this before so yeah all of my diseases and disorders are suffocating me. And I can't move.
DeleteSomeone wise told me you can love a man through an online relationship with all your heart, but you never really know that person until you're with them. Live your life in happiness for you, with you.
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